I was recently in a certification training program because you could say that I have been “itching” to learn new stuff (and I think I learn pretty well). What surprised me is the kind of insight that comes from structure. I have known for a long time that people have needs. To the extent that these needs are met, we can determine “satisfaction”. However, I had not gone a step further as William Schutz did in 1958, where he discovered that needs can be expressed (initiated by self), but can also be a hidden desire (expected of from others).

The theory stems from the idea that different people satisfy their social needs through proactively initiating involvement with others, influencing others and connecting with others. Picard, in the picture, probably wishes to express an opinion and influence, while Data’s intent of seeking meaning is about involvement and learning. Yet, the satisfaction occurs to the extent that you are able to find the group that fits, or communicate your intention that enables people to adjust their expectations around you. There may even be situations where team dynamics are not compatible, and you might expect a lot of frustration.

This approach gives an individual a lot more flexibility to anticipate their levels of motivation from a needs theory perspective. Of course, this is just one dimension of motivation and satisfaction. At the same time, when applied to communication and interaction, it is something that provides a lot more insight into what one can do to build interpersonal skills. How do you know what someone wants? What new skills will you need when working with a new group, or when your spouse has “changed” due to challenges at work or with psychological circumstances?

By developing one’s ability to detect interpersonal differences and matching the capabilities needed in such a situation, one could become far more competent in achieving desired results with teams.

So, you’re in a team meeting, and you have lots on your plate. What should you do? A lot of people set an agenda so that individuals can share information and present their point of view. Unfortunately, this is a highly problematic assumption.

Research has shown that there are a number of issues with pre-polling (which is what you’re doing by creating a meeting without a clear agenda of issues). Whomever speaks first has the ‘upper hand’ and the one who speaks somewhere in the middle of the meeting will be at a significant disadvantage where memory principles are concerned. The primacy and recency effect dictates that this information will be the most heavily discussed simply because we remember them better.

In addition, information that is commonly held by different individuals tend to be more frequently discussed. Contrary to popular belief, teams tend to share information based on what they have in common. The bias toward communicating information that they already share is quite great. The irony is that you form a team for the diversity and breadth of information it has, not to lapse into a trap of discussing what you already know. But common sense does not bear out the research. Teams that do not have the right communication strategies will lapse into something known as the common knowledge problem – you will discuss things you all tend to have in common, and tend to ignore or gloss over important information that should be discussed is unique to only one member of the team.

Generally, you can deal with this if you are aware of the processes that help to overcome such biases.

• Log information. You will need someone who is a good information tracker to keep information discussed as topics that had been discussed.
• Time information sharing. It will be important to keep track of information that is shared, and tag the amount of time
• Use visual information. Research shows that visually shared information tends to help teams to build their mental models of problems more effectively (Fiore, Cuevas and Oser, 2003, Computers in Human Behavior 19 (2003) 185–199).
• Redirect to unique information as part of the whole. You don’t want to get into the trap of discussing only unique information. You still want such information to get sufficient airtime and connect it with the available knowledge.
• Ensure that your team is designed to separate creative brainstorming and convergent outcome achievement. On the one hand, individuals work better when brainstorming. On the other hand, teams perform much better than individuals when it comes to making decisions. Remember to keep these two functions separate in the overall work flow.

Ironically, just knowing this information does not help teams. It requires an integrated approach to designing a team, working with the different individuals in the team while creating opportunities for team learning amidst the unique team culture that exists within the organization. There’s definitely no one-size-fits-all solution, but there’s evidence to show that a decent training can get teams involved in their own design and setup so that they are geared toward performance.

It’s always good to be reminded of research that has passed us by in our hurried life. I came across this theory a long time ago, but it didn’t get reactivated until today during my Executive Masters program in organizational psychology (my second masters program). The phenomenon is called the Illusion of Transparency, and I experienced it in two ways.

First, as we talk about teams, very often, many people are caught off guard when their team members end up assuming things about they know of one another. It is frighteningly simple to assume things simply because of generalizations we make about people. So, someone who is a doctor is often assumed to be a medical doctor. Even if you know that this isn’t true, not all doctors know how to work with children, for example. And of course, while I know abnormal and clinical psychology, I don’t specialize in special needs education, which, although a psychological discipline, is just one of the 56 branches of psychology (in case you didn’t know).

A simple experiment can be carried out. Simply tap a song that you and your audience should generally know (Twinkle Twinkle, Happy Birthday… work quite well). Don’t announce the song to them, but tap it in rhythm. Out of your audience, make your own personal estimate how many people should get that song. The problem is you’d be grossly overestimating the numbers (unless you’re quirky like me). What goes on in your head does not translate to what goes on in other people’s heads. Out of 20, you might have guessed 10 or more. Often, less than 7 people “get it”. Lesson: don’t assume what you know is what others should know.

I had a dose of this when a friend asked me for some advice regarding another friend who was having trouble (temper issues) in the workplace. I offered this friend some simple advice: to really pay attention to the emotions that were going on in the conversation they were having (since my friend was the ‘listener’). I gave a few hints on the use of empathy, and strategies to help in this setting. Almost immediately, my friend said “that’s an awesome idea”. In my head I was going “you mean you didn’t know?“

Of course she didn’t know. It was my head playing tricks on me.

The issue is simple. This happens literally every day in all work contexts. Bosses assume that their employees know what is going on, but they don’t. It is essential to clarify and make sure that the information gets transmitted, but also to get confirmation. A simple question like ‘do you know about x‘ can oftentimes help begin a cycle of clarity.

I’ve been asked in many of my coaching sessions about my experience with different cultures because my job requires me to travel fairly widely across most parts of South-East Asia, China and the US.

I’ve also been privileged to know some people who wield power in organizations as well as in some parts of their respective governments. It’s interesting to know that cultural differences are still one of the most difficult things to be aware of, especially leaders who are not exposed globally. Having had the opportunity to peer inside the minds of those who are leading organizations, cultural myopia is a common problem. This is due to the fact that the way we do things in one country is very often the way we expect to do things in another country. Typically, it’s the same thing that happens when you look out through your own eyes and model of the world, expecting others to think the same way.

We need to harvest proper cultural experience very urgently for a variety of reasons.

• Globalization
• Freedom to access information
• Build up of  Information technology
• Pervasiveness and desirability of IT tools and gadgets

Globalization

We are no longer living in the dark ages where we have to ‘discover’ new tribes and colonies. Today, the world as we know it has grown. In the past, a trip to the North Pole would have been deemed a dangerous mission. Today, this is effortless. Travel and tourism is one of the most important industries for many economies, and being exposed to a different culture is entertaining (yes, no more tribal wars like in the days of knights and fiefdoms). This impacts the speed at which we learn about other people and other cultures. But just like moving from a room that is really bright into a really dark room, you need to orientate yourself and get yourself accustomed to behaviors and experiences you may deem to be unfamiliar.

Build Up Of Information Technology.

In the past, to be able to know what the capital city of, say, Khazakstan, you would have to search an encyclopedia of knowledge. Today, Information Technology allows you to access library databases at the click of a mouse button. The good old days of 9600 kbps dialup modems are gone, and we have fibre optic cables that allow for gigabit transmissions. Sooner or later, the speed of transmission could allow us to be like Captain Kirk of the USS Enterprise, saying “Beam me up, Scotty“

Freedom of Access To Information

Of course this takes me to the Google equation. Before, we would have libraries and encyclopedias. Today, we have search engines, and none have been as accurate and relevant as Google searches due to their complex and ever-advanced search algorithms. Almost everything in the world can be searched now due to their immense database accumulated over the last decade. You can learn about cultures easily, but you need to weed out the media and biased views from a few Netizens who expose only a few things about culture. It is about connecting with people and learning about them directly through the Social media (e.g. Facebook). The technology is already there. The problem is that individuals just aren’t aware enough to start breaking away from their current paradigm of the world and enter into a real learning conversation from someone from, say, Estonia or China or Israel or Singapore. The trouble is access to information that only a team can have becomes a potential stumbling block. As a leader, the ability to team knowledge and team learning is going to be extremely important. And, if you don’t do it, I’m quite sure once your competitors learn how to do this, your business could become obsolete.

Pervasiveness of Desired Technology

From MP3 players to iPhones to tablet PCs, each individual consumer electronic product has given power to individuals to capture information at a level of quality that only the media had access to in the past. Now, you can point and click in order to capture information. Anyone can literally not know anything today, and use almost any electronic gadget you have to plug into the world of knowledge. The sooner we leverage this technology, the better! Today, we have a generation of children growing up to expect such technology in the workplace. The differences are getting more obvious: the need to use technology, the need for speed and efficiency, the desire for a dynamic work environment… these are going to ultimately drive an individual’s desire to work within a team, and can represent different sub-cultures within an organization.

By being aware of this, leaders can now have better leverage as long as they can prepare for the inevitable. The state of affairs will change the way we lead our teams, and we should be ready for it.

As a leader, there’s quite a fair bit that needs to be done to achieve greater productivity with teams. It continues to surprise me that there are many who believe that teams will automatically work magically. But that’s not true. Teams are vulnerable to many situations including group think (a phenomenon where the group thinks similarly down the wrong track) as well as social loafing (where individuals have a tendency to end up performing better alone than with a team)

Here’s a quick list:

• Reduce psychological threat. Create a sense of safety. Sometimes, people just need to share concerns, and as a leader you may have to put the message across that when you listen, you are really listening. When there is interpersonal conflict do your best to resolve it. More importantly, set up norms so that conflict amongst individuals does not even need to occur. An executive coach can assist you in charting the right strategies and crafting opportunities to cut out psychological threat.
• Enhance emotional bonding. Interestingly, when groups have the opportunity to share ideas in a safe environment without having to be judged, they tend to bond closer with each other. Of course it depends on how this is facilitated, but generally it is agreed that emotional bonding takes place when parties have a supportive environment and a climate of security to share their worst fears and ask for support. Sometimes, a good training program that is structured to create bonding can make a difference.
• Clarifying goals. A team requires clarity of direction. A well-formed goal will enable an individual, so it makes sense that a clear goal will activate a team as well. Once these goals are established, even the rewards and expected performance levels can be stated to let everyone know that there are standards of performance to abide by. This gives the air of ‘no surprises’ of what is expected in the team. A structured approach of getting this done can be planned together with your executive coach.
• Empowering for action. A team needs to be autonomous to a degree. It is also important to note that a leader who guides the team should be willing to let the team do what they are supposed to do, particularly if there is already an agreed upon agenda and a clear direction. Empowerment basically means vesting the authority to do something, expecting them to get things done, then getting out of the way. It will be impossible for a conductor of an orchestra to play every instrument. Likewise, it is necessary for you to know how to leverage experts in your team without having to micromanage within the team dynamics.
• Recognizing motivational forces. All members of a team have their own needs and desires. By recognizing these motivational forces within them, a leader can better achieve more. There are many theories of motivation, but one popular one is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Another approach is a Values Assessment. Once you know what your team member values, it becomes clearer how to communicate to him or her. In my executive coaching sessions, I often teach leaders how to conduct subtle and covert values assessments by observing language patterns that people use when they speak.

Generally, a leader’s role is to guide a team, make them accountable to him or her where results are concerned, and the ways to do this are limitless. Yet, a clear plan of action and a properly clarified set of goals can assist a leader in communicating his intent. With an executive coach, a way to convey this intent can also be crafted so as to engage the team to operate with maximum effort and achieve more.

According to a speech by Singapore’s Prime Minister, Lee Hsien Loong in February 2010, our productivity levels are “60% to 70% of what is possible”. In an earlier assessment by the Ministry Of Trade and Industry, productivity levels dropped at 1997/8.

Obviously, we began on a productivity rampage for quite some time. Here’s an extract from 4 Aug 2010 speech given by Mr Lee Yi Shyan:-

This is why the Government has established a “National Productivity and Continuing Education Council” (NPCEC) to drive our long-term productivity growth target of 2-3% per annum for this decade. The Council is asking 12 key industries, including the hospitality and retail cluster represented here, to come up with bold sectoral plans that will help industry achieve quantum leap in productivity improvement and service excellence. The Council also seeks ways to support and resource industry-led cluster plans to raise productivity, by way of innovation, process re-engineering, workforce skills upgrading, supply chain development and more.

Productivity is influenced by a different number of factors. However, the focus so far has been in ‘skill’ training. Well, if you are focusing on skill training in a country like Singapore, I’m quite sure that productivity increase eventually will plateau. I’m also very sure that companies have people who are well trained but just will not do well. Surprisingly, many people in HR and training continue to think that productivity or stringently assessed competencies is the way to go. Okay, so if you are competent, does it mean you will activate those competencies? This is no longer a competence issue, but a question of the willingness to be driven and passionate about one’s job.

More often, we see people who are competent in what they do, but they seem to waste it away by not using their gifts or talents. What is the cause of this?

• A lack of passion.
• Misalignment of personal values with organizational culture.
• The inability to communicate with your closest team members.
• Unrecognized and untreated depression.
• Constant and regular changes that are difficult to adapt to.

Strangely, none of these have anything to do with skill level and competence. Have HR professionals got it all wrong?

Resourcefulness, Not Resources

Many individuals seek jobs not simply because of the pay. Think about it – do you simply walk into the closest retail outlet to take a job? Of course not. You join in an organization that you feel comfortable with, or that you admire. You want to be a part of the company because of what it espouses and the kind of value that they deliver. Would you work for the long term as a trash collector earning $1 an hour?

Massive productivity changes and campaigns are, on the surface, great ways to push things forward. But what if it is carried out blindly without understanding the psychological undercurrents? It’s a difficult balancing act – to increase productivity while suggesting that one keep a ‘work-life balance’. The main issue is not the campaigns. The issue is whether individuals can remain resourceful in the face of difficult times.

Are You Schooled For Life?

It seems we are constantly sold the idea that an investment in knowledge will bring us places. It seems that hasn’t really lived up to the promise. We finish school having been taught so many things that don’t really seem to matter in real life. When you end up in the workforce, there’s no curriculum for success.

There are critical skills that will enable an individual to be better prepared. These are the skills that can tide you through difficult moments, manage your stress levels, work effectively with teams to research and solve problems by making an appropriate business case to your managers, and communicate to handle conflict better in the workplace. However, these skills are not formally taught as part of curriculum in school, let alone assessed (and to a certain extent, it’s unfortunately that Macbeth and calculus is).

Isn’t Stress Management Passé?

Yeah… it’s almost been a gazillion years since stress management became a ‘headliner’. It seems people are only interested in the latest fads, but hardly focus on the developments. Not surprisingly, stress management has had a huge focus because it’s not just another fad. Stress can lead to a huge amount of pressure, the inability to focus, high levels of anxiety and can lead to depression.

Hmm. I wonder how effective one’s team communication would be under those circumstances.

Working Harder Does Not Produce Better Results In The Long Term

A study of the US Bureau of Labor Statistics revealed an interesting trend in Singapore: we had the second highest GDP per capita in 2009 ($49,300) but we had the lowest GDP per hour worked ($34.47) [source: The Business Times, Nov 29, 2010].

Apparently, last year, in a knee jerk reaction, we put in more work hours. It’s possible that:

• the economic situation forced people to stay in jobs that require more effort;
• people are afraid to be seen loafing and therefore work harder rather than more productively;
• the hours worked include an increase in amount of training hours, which was the outcome of the Government’s employment rate management program.

I think it’s a combination of literally all of the above. Yet, the fact is that we rank one of the lowest in terms of GDP per hour. We put in more effort but don’t produce results.

Increasing Engagement In A Jaded Workplace

I think the main reason is simple. People are generally caught in a bind. If I could hazard some generalizations, here are a few: You can’t leave your workplace because there’s no other job for you. You don’t really know what you like, so you stay in the place that is willing to employ you. You don’t retain the learning attitude from school because it seems not to have paid off. You have no skills to become an entrepreneur, let alone the drive. There’s the vicious cycle of having to work to prove you’re valuable, so there’s no more time to learn even if you wanted to. Since there’s no incentive to learn, you attend training courses through your company but don’t really value it, and training has no lasting impact. There’s no need for individuals to prove that any training they attend has lasting impact at all.

Wow. Great news for us who are in the training and development industry. We’ll get a bunch of people who love to attend ‘team building’ retreats because they are fun to do, but the organization will not come back to us because it does not make an ounce of difference to the organization’s bottom line.

Here’s another kicker of a dilemma. I’ve approached organizations before to show them how we can assess training. Standard assessment that they choose? The one that costs nothing: your evaluation form. Now, most of the time, you know as well as I do that a standard evaluation form means squat. There’s no real value other than the immediate attention and value from the training itself. But when I raise the stakes, people are shocked to see how expensive training evaluation can be.

Now, let’s use a little logic here to think about the value of evaluation. I could (a) give a pre-printed sheet of paper and get people to rate from 1 to 7, how well they liked the course, amongst other things, or (b) get attendees to prepare a project (or something else that proves competence) that proves they can put the skills they learnt into practice, assessing them on major competencies; if they fail this project assessment, they will receive a lower increment the following year simply because they did not perform in a training (technically, still on the job). For instance, if you’re a change manager, I’ll assess you on a project in the company that generates a significant change based on pre-approved criteria. If you’re a sales person, I’ll rate you on revenues earned. If you’re a project manager, I’ll assess you based on your ability to manage a project, handle team members and collect evidence that you have done a good job.

Which one is more expensive to assess?

People in the HR community often want to develop such assessments, but they are hardly effective when it comes to the time required to implement, manage and present them. Would you really be willing to take on a project to prove your competence, knowing that doing it could take away valuable time from doing other things on the real job?

Finding The Balance

In the final analysis, here’s what I personally think. Companies need to set aside greater budgets and increase partnership levels with HRD providers to ensure that there is the best fit for evaluations that make more sense rather than just a convenient survey rating. There’s too much unreliable information when it comes to mood effects and other assessor biases involved in non-objective criteria (e.g. ‘Do you think this workshop was relevant to your job’ presumes that the employee knows exactly what is relevant, and paradoxically, a non-engaged employee would be unlikely to judge this objectively for various reasons).

Here are some possible implementations that up the ante:

• Consider systemic peer coaching. This will require skills training as a coach, leading to the outcome of providing feedback to fellow peers on what they think will be good for them, rather than from an authoritative source. A good peer coaching program can even be licensed into the organization, without having to have high costs of face-to-face training when it is a proper system (think e-learning.
• Consider team learning events. In the Fifth Discipline,  Peter Senge suggests that an organization learns through team learning. Team learning, in my view, can be conducted if a proper process is demonstrated and repeated. The essence of the process is to bring out real feelings and opinions where they matter. It could be a problem-solving event or simply a best practices sharing.
• Consider inviting short-term competency checks. Instead of measuring every darned thing in a person’s KPIs at one go, get the person who is being assessed to volunteer this. In many professional certification programs, the responsibility lies on the professional to prove their worth given a set of guidelines. They study for tests, show proof of continuing education, demonstrate real hours on the job and apply for certification, depending on the certifying body. Couldn’t the organization itself consider certifying their own employees as being ‘fit’? If they aren’t up to mark, it must mean that they don’t have the basic capabilities in HRD to be able to run this, and definitely need to purchase expertise either through a consultant or by means of a Learning and Development manager.
• Consider training leaders at all levels. Leadership training is essential to improve employee engagement. While this is not a panacea, leaders who are transformational in their approach can add their charisma to the weight of change and motivate individuals to be more productive. Systems and processes have to be in place to select the appropriate leaders to promote for succession in order for this to happen. Even with what Jim Collins calls ‘Level 5 Leadership’ (where systems and structures are emphasized, lest the charismatic leader disappears), employee engagement still requires human engagement, which should be left in the hands of the legitimate leaders so that they can demonstrate their connection and value to the organization. And most certainly, transformational leadership is not merely up to the CEO alone to ride on the lonely path. Everyone down the line should be a transformational leader at some point or other.

Whether this is too big a task for organizations to consider is another question. It may take years before a proper change initiative can be done and reap real fruit. Singapore is a developed country. We may be headed for jeopardy if we have hard workers who are unable to add value to the bottom line of the organization simply. In the next decade of human resource development, people must be made more resourceful to innovate and communicate within their teams. This way, businesses can leverage profitable innovations. Higher profits lead to higher morale and the greater desire to contribute to the organization. Hopefully, business leaders can see this urgently and make organizational development a priority within their company.

As a follow up to the post I did this morning (we’re a little crazy, so our training session ended around 2.30am and coaches debrief finished around 4am – kudos to the dedication of the coaches), I find that some people think that learning = going to school.

Well, metaphorically, it really is going to school, but not the school you have associations with teachers and falling asleep at flipping open the book.

In my training and therapeutic practice, I have seen many people who are very educated but they stop learning. Can you think of such people? A professor who thinks he’s always right. A spouse who tells his/her other half that something is “impossible” without actually verifying it.

Why is this the case?

I think it’s simple – people don’t just learn content (the “what”, or the software). They also learn ways of thinking (the “how”, or the hardware) and these ways of thinking stick to them. This means that a lot of time, content is just not compatible with the hardware. No matter how cool the software is, you can’t load it functionally into a Pentium I processor. Or worse, load an iPhone application into a Windows operating system. I think you get my drift.

In life, you encounter a large number of lessons. However, we often forget that those lessons are not the be-all and end-all. You still have to continue upgrading and learning. Let’s just say for example, you were born in the 1800s. The steam engine would have been fascinating for you, right? So let’s suppose you got to live 200 years. The trouble now happens that the steam engine isn’t that hot anymore. Now you’ve got nuclear power. But if you have the “steam engine” mindset, you’ll never be able to conceive of nuclear power, let alone use it or harness it because your mental barriers are going to stop you from moving it forward in a useful manner.

So, when you were 5 years old, your experiences led you to think about things in a particular way. For example, as a child, you were smaller and the world around you probably looked much bigger. I remember being in my grandmother’s house as a child, thinking it was a huge house. But the last time I was there, I got from one place to the other without taking many steps like I did in the past. There was no more running space! Did the space change? No. I changed.

You constantly change, and if you don’t upgrade yourself, then your child mindset hangs on with you to the point you grow up. There will be many issues where the child no longer has the ability to handle the stress of adult life. They behave like the child, complaining, blaming, getting angry and upset. This comes from the child state, as it attempts to fit the software into the hardware of adult life and the operating system begins to scream out incompatibility.

As a child, you were rewarded for being good, perhaps by being given a sweet. Now, if you were a corporate executive and I gave you a sweet for being well behaved, you might laugh at me. Then why do we sometimes hold on to the beliefs as a child?

Here are some magical beliefs:

• If I work hard, I will be a millionaire. (Define hard work? What is your time frame? What is so important about being a millionaire that gets you there naturally rather than unnaturally?)
• If I am nice to that girl she will like me. (Define “nice”? How frequently? Just because  she is nice to you, is she obliged to like you?)
• If I do my job well, I will be promoted. (Define “job”? Who is promoting you? Does this person like what you do? What value do you create to deserve promoting? Just because you do your job well, are you aware of how others are doing their job ‘better’ than you? What makes you think you are ahead of the others if you don’t?)

My argument is simple – if you have learnt enough from millionaires, you may have a different opinion. Some millionaires pursue their passion that pays peanuts, but invest what they have to become the millionaires that they are. And ironically, there are some people who are making a million a year who are poorer than those who are making $50,000 a year. Go calculate what they own, how much they need to pay and you’ll know what I mean.

If you have learnt from people about relationships (like my wife, who is a relationship coach), you’ll know that being happy in a relationship goes far beyond just intimacy alone, and that ‘compatibility” is more than just a feeling. It’s a blending of values and personality that you can never have alone. Anyone with a superficial understanding of a relationship will probably have to go through a baptism of fire to finally realize what is important to them in that relationship.

If you have talked to business owners about their perspective on promotions, you will realize that there are inherent dilemmas about promotion. While you, as an employee, may think you deserve a higher pay, you’re not the owner, and therefore you do not know what constraints there are. Clamoring for higher pay creates a bigger divide between you and the goal you want to achieve, because the owner will think: this guy doesn’t understand the business we are in and is creating more problems than solutions.

So, I emphasize again – keep learning. Learn from people. Learn from your past. Learn to learn. More importantly, learn to unlearn so you can upgrade this amazing brain of yours to evolve over time… or go the way of the dinosaurs.

I had a conversation with my sister-in-law about the question of ‘overachievement’. To a great extent, there are people who view the successes we have at AKLTG as a major success. For the owners, we see it as work in progress.

So, I was posed the question: are over achievers dissatisfied with life, put themselves through misery and “trying” to prove themselves even more? My answer was pretty straightforward.

Some people are born into the world like bicycles. They believe they are bicycles and can go up to a maximum of, say 50 km/h. Along comes someone who is born into the world like a Ferrari. But this Ferrari is traveling at 100km /h. All the bicycles are astounded by the speed and ask the Ferrari to slow down. However, deep down inside, the Ferrari knows it can go much faster.

Some of you were born Ferraris. Unfortunately, because of the world of self-help and how people have been victimized by scams along the way, or any other unfortunate circumstance, people have lost the belief in their own birthright.

For example, I believe that everyone can be a great leader. I believe everyone can be a great public speaker. Or a great business owner. Somehow, they stopped believing in themselves and have not yet been awakened. It is this that drives me to keep on getting people involved in their own personal development so that they can become achievers and get past their own mental blocks in life.

I do meet people who idolize such great people. But having an idol and having a role model are two very different things. Having a role model means you’re going to do something about learning from your model. Conversely idolizing means you simply just sit there.

In achieving success, I strongly believe that individuals who have the potential to succeed should push themselves through the fire. Doubt, uncertainty, being victimized by others… all these need to be pushed aside without much care. You, the incoming achiever, needs to know that every step of the way is a step of faith that you can be better. Without this, people would not have broken records, swung the odds in their favor, or made a complete turnaround of a disastrous result. Time and time again, history has proven this to be true: a person who desires to achieve will achieve, and a person who creates resources enables that achievement. Conversely, human beings make rules that prevent them from being far more successful than they should be.

“I’m not good enough” or “I hate myself” or “I’m not worth anything” are common beliefs that cap the potential beyond anything else – self-sabotage. These unconscious beliefs hover like a veil of foul air. Sure, this is my belief. But without going beyond and holding this belief to be absolutely true, I would not have achieved what I have achieved today. And personally, I believe that many of these achievements are simple to do once you know how to do it.

So, are some people really just born as bicycles or as backburner Ferraris? I strongly believe in the latter rather than the former. Sure, a small handful are not endowed with what we might call “normal” skills. Yet, in spite of these appearances, they too go out and achieve the seemingly impossible. Haven’t you seen people born without arms and legs go out and achieve amazing results? Haven’t you seen sprinters with prosthetic legs participate in the Olympics? These stories have been shared to death in the social media online. But we still look at them as “the impossible dream”.

Well, maybe you just have to dream bigger. There’s more out there to live, love and learn. To me, I can’t simply see a great car go to waste. Neither can I see a great person go to waste.

Unleash your potential.

Find a coach. Attend a training. Read a book. Whatever it takes to awaken that sleeping giant, and stir that hurricane-force motivation which is in you to get what you were born to get.

Just had a thought.

A number of people have considered changing their jobs because they think they are going somewhere. In reality, that new environment might or might not allow them to grow at all.

The biggest issue in people who are planning their career path comes from the lack of understanding who they are. If they don’t have coaches or a clear direction as to where they want to be, they will stumble upon opportunities which may not necessarily lead to better places, only more appropriate places. If they get upset or stressed, it’s really a place to ‘train’ them with life.

It’s always important to get back to knowing what your personal values drives you.

Step 1: What do you want?

Step 2: Why do you want it? What value is associated with this?

Step 3: What are the specific tasks you will need to do in order to reach to the goal you intend to achieve?

Step 4: What do you need (skills and knowledge) to be able to achieve those tasks?

It’s easy to look at these questions, but it’s more important to process them. That’s the reason why coaches are so valued. They can get you to be more aware of your goals and your capabilities in order to help you to get to where you need to go.

Simple questions, simple processes for complex thinking.

Remember – don’t get entangled by your own complex thinking. Get some coaching.

You’re in the workplace and you encounter a really nasty person.

Wow! What did you do to deserve such a person, you think! Almost immediately, you might have vindictive thoughts or possibly think of a therapist (such as me haha) to refer him or her to for anger management therapy!

Actually, wouldn’t you be jumping the gun if you did that? You won’t know what’s happening in the mind of the other person, and maybe what’s worse is that you don’t really care. Perhaps, when you want to learn to deal with difficult people, you need to first understand them first. That would be, in my mind, the best first step.

Why should you “understand” the other person?

Well, let’s do a quick experiment.

Think of the last time you burst out in anger. Was it solely because of the person that you blew your top, or because of an associated series of events?

Chances are, if you think properly, most of the time when you blow your top, you’re really reacting to the straw that broke the camel’s back. However, you did have a series of things that were bugging you and that really affected you. Here’s an example.

Jim is angrily shouting at his subordinate for not getting his job done on time.

Now, logically, there’s really no explanation for Jim’s behavior. You could think he was a really unreasonable person. However, let’s review some build-up mechanisms.

• his grandmother, who was his primary caretaker in his younger years, passed away a few weeks ago;
• he is in the middle of handling a bad tiling job by his contractor for his new house;
• his 15 year old daughter has just been bullied by a classmate with bruises on her arms to prove it.

Well I don’t quite care how much EQ you’ve got, sometimes a series of these events can trip people up mainly because they’re human.

As a team member, you can easily shirk your responsibility by believing that understanding others is not your job. But do remember that team dynamics begins with the relationship that team members have with one another. Difficult people sometimes appear that way because you’ve uncovered a minefield of past memories that affected them. Just because they got upset with you doesn’t mean that they are against you. It may simply mean that your ability to connect with them is not good enough.

Perhaps you might think that it is the other person’s responsibility to take charge of the feelings, right? Heh… so you tell me – when you are angry, what level of logic do you have control of, and how well can you “take charge” of these feelings? In short, be realistic of what you expect others to be able to do. Since you’re the one who’s more emotionally grounded, it should fall on you to be able to pick it up and connect with that team member. Mind you if you did that, they will look out for you next time as well!

Here are some simple tricks to empathy:

photo credit: lumaxart:

• Be patient. Not everyone opens up to a question like “why are you so angry”. Offer an open door, or a listening ear if they find it tough to speak up, and any other form of emotional support where possible.
• Stand in their shoes and reflect on the feelings you feel before you communicate with them. It can be difficult to stand in another’s shoes because you’ve never really had training in that (of course you can attend my Life Coaching training and you’ll get there!) but nonetheless it will be good for you to be able to give it a shot to understand where they are coming from.
• Don’t judge or add further expectations. This would probably destroy the relationship because it simply doesn’t show your support for such a person. Don’t even provide “feedback” unless you have investigated and understood the other person’s input first, lest they think you are simply jumping to conclusions based on what others say.