“The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help them or concluded that you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership.”

~Colin Powell

Problems, problems, problems. It seems that people are obsessed with problems and don’t know how to solve them. They complain about the problem. In reality, as Colin Powell says, it is a way to build a positive relationship with those around you, in spite of the problems.

Surely problems can also be used in order to create bonding between people. Very often, the problems might also be you. If someone trusts you enough to tell you that you are causing the problem, stop looking so vainly at yourself. Sometimes, one has to look beyond the obvious and consider the intention behind what has been said. If you learn to hold the belief that every behavior has a positive intent, then it’s going to be easier for you to listen not just from the head, but also from the heart.
photo credit: US Army Africa

Firstly, you have Yoda who represents the Mentor. It’s a person that almost everyone needs to have in their life. If you are without a mentor, then there will be experience that cannot be learned simply through your own experience. The Mentor guides you down the right path.

Secondly, you have the two faces of Luke Skywalker. First on Dgobah, he was generally open to learning but wasn’t willing to put in his best effort. He failed and started giving excuses. However, Luke was amazed at what Yoda could do with the ship on Dgobah, a kind of “proof” of capability. Once a student is filled with purpose and hope, the learning takes a completely new direction.

Thirdly, the question of resources. Yoda talks about a “Force” that surrounds us and connects us. A lot of the time, this is dismissed as mumbo jumbo. But in reality, we do have inner resources and potential that we do not use. Most of us don’t harness our best efforts, time or commitment to getting certain things done. The truth is we have been able to do it all along, and the limitations we sent on ourselves prevent us from going all the way.

Who said that watching movies was just for entertainment!

Guy Brown asked:

“Why do certain people have the ability to engage and entice people when they talk, regardless of the topic of conversation?”

In my 16 years of training and speaking, I’ve found that there are an extremely large number of people who are constantly fascinated by the charisma of leaders, people who have that “X” factor, and most of these people are under the spotlight very frequently.

photo credit: bisgovuk

When you watch a leader or a charismatic speaker on stage, you are wowed and you are all ears. So why is it that these people have the ability to draw you in?

After analyzing speakers in competitive settings, I’ve realized the following.

#1 – Dynamic and enticing speakers know how to move on stage.

Yes, I’m talking about physical motions and movements. In 2001, I spent a large portion of my time in the Toastmasters movement learning what makes good body language on stage. By 2002, I had developed a model now known as “SomaSemantics” which I premiered at NLP University in 2004 with Robert Dilts and Judith DeLozier in my audience.

This model basically identifies the stance, posture and body language that people take on in order to convey certain kinds of meaning, and emotion congruently. If I have the time, I’d share some of this in a video or something later.

#2 – Enticing speakers know how to initiate and sustain a conversation.

I used to have a problem with this and that’s why I started to study it. There’s always an entry point to a conversation, and it begins with getting someone to answer a question about themselves. Call it cheesy, but it’s the idea that to be interesting to others, you have to be interested in others.

#3 – Attractive speakers know how to vary emotional states.

You’ll realize how powerful some speakers are when they can shift you from emotion to emotion, making you feel certain things that you are aligned to. It is the essence of persuasion and you’ll see evidence of this in Presidential Debates (hint hint), church leaders and pastors and motivational speakers. The charisma did not just come out of the blue. It was deliberate, structured and planned. Even if someone were to be a “natural” at it, you can literally model the capabilities and then test it yourself, if you are able to understand the principles of modeling in NLP.

It’s a pretty fascinating area of study, and I’ve dedicated lots of my time to investigating and testing models out by modeling and applying them as practically as I can.

Charisma is a powerful trait that can be developed, and probably the best secret weapon you can have if you want to build a business as a starlet.