Archive for ‘Uncategorized’

June 13th, 2010

Self-Help: In Spite Of Self-Help, Why Am I Not Successful?

You may read lots of self-help books. You might be a proponent of the law of attraction. You might be a personal development junkie. But it begs the question: why am I not successful?

Maserati Gran Turismo
Creative Commons License photo credit: Mdrewe

Here are a few questions for you to clarify your thinking a little bit.

  1. Whose benchmark of success are you choosing? In many cases, someone else’s idea of success, no matter how appealing, may not be suitable for you.
  2. Does your idea of achievement of success require you to ‘do’ things? A lot of the time, we get caught up in ‘doing’ so that we can ‘be’. Very often, it is the core of the person that determines their actions: behaviors themselves don’t necessary equate to the person. You can do all the things Steve Jobs or Bill Gates do, but ultimately it is their beliefs, perspective on life, values and experience that makes them who they are.
  3. Have you taken action to test the extent of success? Like they say – think big but start by creating small successes. If you’re an armchair self-help person, you’ll be a little disappointed. It’s like wanting to brush your teeth by thinking about the philosophy of brushing instead of actually reaching results.
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April 24th, 2010

What If I’m Lost?

At the Handicrafts Shop 014Creative Commons License photo credit: dunzki

This interesting question popped up when I was speaking to one of our coaches during the Patterns Of Excellence program. When someone is lost, under what conditions would one be lost?

Here are common responses:

  • when you can’t find your way;
  • when you are out of options;
  • when you can’t make a decision;
  • when you have too many choices.

It wasn’t long before I realized that people who are “lost” are looking for a solution on the outside rather than on the inside. In other words, you can go out there and do one of the following:

  • help people
  • get upset, drunk or both
  • read a book to seek answers
  • stumble along wherever the world takes you
  • search for a coach or a mentor

But unless it comes from a clear sense of who you are and why you do what you do, the positive gain you get from doing these things will only be temporary.

For many, the education system has given us a free ride up a ladder that hasn’t been questioned for years. We have been told to go to the next level and the next level after that, often taking “required” classes. I remember wondering why I had to learn certain things in mathematics, which I still don’t use up till this day. You go through the system from primary to secondary school or high school, then to a tertiary institution like a polytechnic or a university (or college for my friends from the other side of the world), get a degree, then get to work.

However, working itself may not have a ladder to climb. The corporate rat race keeps us moving up the ladder until one day, you are fired or you retire. Then all sense of direction is gone. You start working as an entrepreneur, then only you have the power to choose where you need to go, not the Ministry of Enterpreneurship. There’s no GCE ‘O’ or ‘A’ levels to pass. There’s no Diploma to earn. All there is are results.

This is the point where one’s personal alignment comes to be tested. Do you know who you are? Do you know what drives you? Do you have an inner compass that helps to to decide what move to make next?

A lot of the time, seeking clarity requires us to jump out of our current way of thinking to seek a different perspective. If you can’t do it, you may need someone to mentor or coach you to see things differently and in a more empowering and directed manner. These questions are readily answered when you take some time out and learn to rediscover yourself, and of course that place to do it matters. If you’re looking for direction, discover yourself at the Patterns Of Excellence.

December 24th, 2009

Personal Development Singapore: Suicide Prevention

I read with a lot of dismay at the recent news relating to how a best friend allowed her friend to commit suicide. It all goes to show that if you truly want to be a friend, you need to know what to do.

A process of risk assessment is usually in order, and you have to make sure anyone whom you remotely think is going to commit suicide be referred to a trained specialist who can deal with such isses.

Most of the time, suicidal people say they want to do it not because they want to die but because they are looking for another opinion. I think your friends will deserve at least a second opinion when coming to this kind of a decision.

Suicidal thoughts are aplenty, but best friends are not. Get yourself trained in basic counseling skills and Google the numbers of professional counselors and the Samaritans Of Singapore. You’ll never know when you’ll need them!

 

 

December 9th, 2009

Personal Development Singapore: Self-Awareness

I just had a flash of insight a couple of hours ago because I was in the middle of doing an unprecedented in-house training for a group of my trainers. While we all had a fun time with “mind blowing” details (I was teaching them the dynamics of marketing online), it somehow struck me that there are things that people are “interested” in doing, but won’t do. There are also things that people are “obsessed” with doing, that no matter what happens, they MUST do.

I got a little surprised myself because I thought about what makes me want to do something versus what I don’t like to do, and what struck me was that I really enjoyed working with people and seeing them learn, but seriously dislike it when people aren’t able to learn. And I don’t mean this intellectually – I mean it viscerally in my gut. It’s a reaction to their reaction of the inability to grasp information.

So as I thought about the implications of this, it could mean two things. First, it could mean that it might force me to be a better trainer. Second, it could mean that it might make me ignore certain things in an audience simply because I might want to have the illusion that I’m doing a great training. Ultimately, I don’t just want to do good training or pretend that it was, I want to make sure that the people around me “get it” regardless of how I feel, the participant must be more competent to take action.

This is the kind of awareness I tell people to partake in regularly because I find that it is so illuminating. Without this kind of insight, we can never learn to improve. It is self-awareness of things that propel you and the forces that repel you that make you discover more about who you are and what you do.

For example, do you know what you believe? And, do you know that your beliefs could damage you? One idea behind the Law of Attraction (that many people have mistakenly thought originates from the documentary ‘The Secret) is that whatever your beliefs are shape you and attract like things.

tabula rasaCreative Commons License photo credit: myuibe

Now, I don’t want to me mystical and tell you that it’s about universal reverberations. Let’s just focus on your thoughts. What happens when you have a negative or disempowering belief? If you have always feared going up on stage, the prospect of doing it actually creates a physiological chain reaction. Not only does it prevent you from being your confident best, it also prevents you from opening yourself to a different interpretation to on-stage success. The stress leads to a release of a neuro-chemical known as cortisol, which, if in your system for the long term, causes bodily aches and pains. What now happens is that the thing you fear, is literally causing you more pain, and becomes cyclical. The more pain you feel, the more you associate it with other negative beliefs about your life, your age, etc. The result: a nervous breakdown.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to tell you that this is bad for your future, and it has really nothing to do with universal vibrations. All it is, is your reduction of strength from a very real, physical limitation placed on yourself through your beliefs.

269/365 quietCreative Commons License photo credit: Lazurite

Until someone points out to you “hey – in the past you were just nervous but nowadays you seem to have gotten really frustrated and angry when told you have to do a presentation” do you realize that something has to change.

I believe that self-awareness comes with practice. Not everyone is able to gain self-awareness because we keep getting caught up in the day-to-day, getting distracted, and missing time for ourselves. Maybe it’s time to re-prioritize. Maybe it’s time to make time to listen to our inner thoughts, reflecting on why we do the things we do, and re-calibrating ourselves toward our success.