Don’t just wish for things to get better

Albert was living a sad existence. Everywhere he went, people didn’t accept him. No matter what he did, it seemed that people always saw him as a waste of time and did not speak to him. Everyone else seemed to get the better deal, and it seemed pretty much that nobody ever game him a chance.

He blamed everything and everyone. From being a hard worker, he soon gave up and avoided work, passing the buck to others. Soon, it came to a point where his wife confronted him.

“Albert, why aren’t you ever doing your work anymore? You used to go to work with good feelings, but something has changed. What happened?”

“Everyone just hates me, Martha,” he said in dejection. “I can’t do my best because people are waiting to pounce on my every failure. Nothing I do satisfies them, so why should I even put in my best at that god-forsaken hell hole?”

Does this sound familiar? The workplace environment has probably got the better of you at some point or other. Yet, Albert has made a choice that will possibly damage him for the rest of his life.

Our brain has a mechanism for remembering and locking information in known as “long-term potentiation”. It is the build-up of calcium when neurons of a certain group are actively being fired. This solidifies the connections and ensures that habit is formed.

Albert’s just done that for a pattern of avoidance. This pattern is particularly important because of the self-preserving need to avoid negative emotions.

However, when this decision is made, it is likely that it limits Albert in a way that prevents him from seeing other opportunities. It is simple to point the finger at other people, but it isn’t easy to take responsibility. It is easy to wish that things were better, but it is tough to look into oneself and acknowledge we haven’t grown enough to be able to deserve what we want.

Recently, a participant in my program decided to distance himself from the program. He was a rather skeptical and antagonistic participant who had nothing but criticism in his comments. He blamed him company for sending him to the training. He blamed his manager for not promoting him. He claimed that after all he had done, people were merely making use of him and causing him to suffer.

While I recognized his pain, I just could not believe that he would give up the things that would secure his future. After all, the state he was in would definitely create more problems than solve them. I asked him what he wanted, and he was quick to say he wanted everyone else to suffer like he wanted. Then I asked him what he really wanted by doing that. He said that people don’t understand him, look down on him and despise him.

So I looked at him and said this.

People don’t understand you, look down on you and despise you so you can rise above them and show them you are far more understanding than them. By doing what you are doing, you are not only stooping to their level, you are also limiting yourself from being greater than you should be.

I’m not sure if he got my message. All I know is that he became more receptive and participative, and I believe he learnt something new about himself.

Sometimes, we can’t wish for the world to be better. We can only become better so that we can make the world a better place, and it all begins with you.

This may sound idealistic. After all there are obstacles, barriers and practical reality. Here’s what I would like to say to those of you who feel that this is nothing more than just an ideal way of looking at the world:

There are always obstacles, barriers and practical realities to deal with: they are there you can rise above them and show that you are far more than just a pawn. Choosing to remain a pawn, you are limiting yourself from being greater than you should be.

So, choose. That’s your ultimate capability. Use it wisely.