Ah, the wonders of the internet. After getting some mails, I find that many are concerned with the issue of social interaction, so I decided to discuss confidence in a social setting.
According to Carl Jung, we have two sides of our character – the introvert and the extravert. If you take this knowledge into account, you will begin to understand how social confidence is built.
Introversion-oriented people tend to stay in smaller groups, often speaking one-on-one with others and focusing a lot on their work related topics because that is what preoccupies them the most. Extraversion-oriented people will tend to speak randomly about a good number of things and often end up covering a broad number of topic areas in a social interaction.
If you are generally introversion oriented, it will mean you carry off a deeper conversation over a longer period of time in greater depth. However, it does not mean that you will be able to do this across all social situations, only people whom you are able to have some kind of connection with. Most introverts don’t feel comfortable in situations that dictate a broad number of discussion topics.
Generally, extraverts have a better capacity for socializing across different contexts. However, what’s the difference that makes the difference for them?
- Talking to think. Most of the time, extraverts say what is on their mind, and if they have a well-developed set of social skills, they will know what not to say so that they don’t just blather off everything they feel. This gives an illusion of spontaneity, but in reality, introverts are often not sure of the consequences when they share their inner thoughts.
- Connection with the outside world. Have you ever noticed that people who are introverts seldom, if ever, talk about their environment or the things that happen around them? To mimic what extraverts can do, you need to connect with the outside world and read broadly about things. When initiating contact with people, it’s easier to then pick a recent topic you’ve seen or read about that can create a shift in interest around you.
- Social awareness. This is a skill I picked up in my training as an NLP Trainer. If you are aware of what people need, who has been speaking or what has been of interest to others, you can start connecting other people and be the nexus of the party where people know you for knowing others. It’s not difficult to maintain awareness of others, as long as you are attentive to them, and truly interested in what they want to share (or at least, don’t ask about things you are not interested in listening to in the first place). If you need, you can even learn some memory skills to master the ability to remember people’s names over the long term (which, I have mastered only to a certain level, I must admit).
- Emotional state flexibility. Ah, what would confidence be if it weren’t an emotional state you can control? Change the way you speak and carry yourself and you might find yourself being much better able to speak and interact with appropriate emotion. After all, you want to blend in with the emotion at hand. If people are all serious and you’re clowning away, you’ll be as out of place as a person in a situation that is humorous and you’re just serious.
Ok! There I have it – my top 4, from a very much psychological perspective. If there are further questions, let me know and I’ll furnish you with more answers where possible.
Stuart Tan, MBA, SDCG, BA (Hons), is a Licensed NLP Trainer since 1997, a trained counselor and therapist since 1999, and a leadership, team performance and change management consultant. He certifies NLP Practitioners and Master Practitioners through a competency based approach. He is also an executive coach and life coach.
Contact him for information about his corporate seminars, certification workshops and coaching services.