After speaking to a close friend of mine about business in China, he enlightened me quite a bit about the way business is done in China. For example, it is commonly known that 关系 (guan1 xi4), or relationship, is often used as a pretext for developing a business relationship. They even go so far as to say that ALL business depends on 关系.

In my limited time in business, I have found a few truths. Firstly, the whole idea that successful business is about relationships alone is a whole load of B.S.. Relationships matter period, regardless of business or not. After all, you will want to retain some kind of relationship with people who are nice, who are willing to help some time or other.

Secondly, people who merely rely on relationships will find that when they run out of relationships, or when their “network” can’t or won’t help out, they will find themselves stranded, being unable to establish success on their own steam.

Let me give you an analogy. Do you remember the time when you were back in school and had a really tough time with an assignment? If you merely rely on relationships, you are going to do this: since you know your teacher is a nice guy/friend of a relative, you can stop studying and not improve your grades through doing your homework. You simply turn up 7 days later saying it’s really hard to do and you couldn’t do it, and s/he might just show you how to do it.

Conversely, if you’re the sort that bashes his/her head on the wall in order to get to a solution, but can’t find the answer, your teacher is going to know. Whether or not s/he likes you, s/he probably can find evidence that you really did your best. You might actually have proof of work that is incomplete. Then, you might have distilled it to one thing that you need clarification about. You ask the questions to your teacher, you get an answer, and you actually can find a solution. This time, you have achieved success. You did 99% of the work, and needed 1% (you would have gotten there eventually on your own steam) of help. Ultimately, compare this with the previous scenario where you only did an amazing 0% of the work.

Who controls his destiny now?

It’s of utmost importance to everyone to know that, yes, relationships are important, but you need to be someone worth building a relationship with in the first place.

What successes do you have that are worth respecting?

What ways have you helped people in ways that help them to stand on their feet rather than give them pure handouts?

So, make sure you develop yourself first. Then, you can really contribute to others in a positive relationship.